I can go through trial after trial and come out of it so much stronger in my relationship with the Lord, and yet still- when that next hardship waltzes in I am paralyzed. I am worried, I am angry or confused. So many times the Lord has taken a crappy situation and let it become a point in my life that teaches me something wonderful, or strengthens me and encourages me in His faithfulness. Yet my moaning and groaning arrives right on schedule when a bad circumstance occurs, out of my control. Then I begin to sulk in my misfortunes. "This is so unfair...I did nothing to deserve this...what is Your point Lord in allowing this to happen?"
I ask those questions A LOT.
I was listening to a sermon and the pastor was talking about how trials show us how little power and control we have. Suddenly we realize "I can't fix this!". And that is when our focus has to shift to Jesus because He is greater and He is powerful so He can help us and guide us. Which for me, He always has. And ya know, it really is in those most trying times that I come out more in love with Christ. Take Argentina for example. I still shudder when I think about those 2 horrible months. BUT, I had never been closer to the Lord. I would not trade that time for anything because I learned to really depend on the Lord. I do not believe I would have learned that kind of dependence and reliance if I had been working a job in San Diego, or doing summer staff or living in Harrisonburg. That was exactly where I was supposed to be. The Lord used Argentina to really reveal Himself to me, and to truly prove that He is the light in darkness.
The same revelation can be applied to many other tough circumstances in my life. And yet, here I am unhappy with certain events and impatient for them to be over. I need a holy perspective, I need that reminder of how the Lord has brought me through countless times in the past. He doesn't say it is easy, and He doesn't promise I will get exactly what I think I want, but He does promise to never leave me, and that He has my best interest at heart.
I really want to accept my own powerless and weak self, and be thankful that I have a God who sympathizes and I have a God who allows everything for a reason. I can honestly say that I look forward to seeing how the Lord has used this time in my life to grow us closer and to strengthen me in my faith.