Monday, November 28, 2011

On...change? my life? decisions?

Dear Lifesies, 
      Being home was good. It was hard in some ways because my "home" is no longer 858 Van Nuys street. My home is San Diego and all the people it contains and all the memories it holds. I love the Reinkes (my cousins) and I am VERY thankful for their openness in graciously letting my marmee stay with them and then letting Joel and I crash there when we are home, but it is still not the same. It is still not my house with my immediate family. My Auntie Robin and my mom were talking about how a bunch of the cousins are going to spend the night there on Christmas Eve. I thought it sounded fun but was not until later that I realized of course we should all spend the night because we need to wake up on Christmas day together. That is when it hit me. I could have cried...the idea of not having Christmas at our old house, not waking up to Bishop traditions just hurts. But this is a season of change, and I have been surprisingly okay with all the change. It makes me glad how well I have dealt with it, I think the Lord is really helping me. And, it helps that I love where I am in Harrisonburg. OH LIFE I am so torn between two sides of the country!!
      Anyway, only today. Only promised today. When the time comes decisions will be made. But for right now I am in Harrisonburg and I am leading a small group and I am (hopefully) graduating in December and I am praying to the Lord about the future but meanwhile trying not to fret too much. 

      One thing I know for sure- I worked at Forest Home over T-gives break and it was WONDERFUL. Just like usual. So lovely to be back with my beloved staff and my wild and adoring CCAs :) We sipped coffee in Chipmunk Corner as we played bananagrams and talked about our current stations in life. We sang songs with Music Papa again, we laughed about old jokes from the summer, we talked about Lauren's big butt, Alex Rae's artsy and free spirit, and of course...that Kelly needs to move back to California...yeah well join the club of people playing tug-o-war about where I should end up haha. But, it doesn't bother me. I feel loved. 

      Anyway Life, the Lord is teaching me a lot and showing me a lot of hard stuff...especially about myself. I just hope it sticks. I do not want my sin to define me. 

Well, better finish(start) a Spanish project and then hit the sack. 

indecisively yours, 

p.s.- HOLLER for Christmas season, gonna deck the halls at The Shire and play Christmas music all the timeeeee!! :)

Saturday, November 12, 2011

On true life

True Life...I have addictions to the following things:

  • Purchasing earrings...studs, dangles, hoops, floral, bronze, buttons, etc etc       I WANT THEM.
  • Bodos bagels. DUH.
  • Chick fil a. I mean shoot, I work there dude. 
  • Talking to my mama on ze telephone. Sorry for loving my mom a ton...JEEZE. 
  • Putting "-zone" after words. But come on, it's coolzone. 
  • On a more pathetic level...probably facebook. Damnit.
  • And my roommate Nichole. Purely platonic and I still maintain it's good for my health. Back off bro you don't know me!!!
Now go listen to Simple Plan's whiny voice in their song Addicted. And if you're Sarah Wilson you probably loved this song in 8th grade.

 [This was in no way intended to make light of addictions. oh wait...I guess that is entirely what this was. shoot.]

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

On returning

Dear Life, 
      In just 9 days I will be returning to San Diego! Can you say "sushi family brothers laughter beach best friend cousins thanksgiving cafe 976 sunny weather" without smiling? -- CUZ I CAN'T. 
      Then, I will be returning to FOREST HOME. More capital letters!! I am so excited to be working Home for the Holidays! It is a winter retreat for family camp, ergo--> they need CCAs, which means they need counselors which means I RETURN to the place that gave me the best summer of my life. And I get to see some of my lovely staff andddd a lot of my favorite campers! :) 

      What an interesting last semester this will be. I feel like going from T-gives break and back to Harrisonburg in the Shire will be really odd and conflicting. Because I love San Diego, but I don't need to live there. But I really love camp and I want to keep working there. And I really love living at the Shire and this time of life leading a small group, still somewhat in the JMU community. It is all of these occupied corners of my heart but all of them are in such different places and all my friends and family are scattered about as well. shoot!

      Anyway, the Lord has been constantly whispering to me not to worry all semester. He keeps reminding me that when the time comes then pivotal decisions will be made, but not now. He gently reminds that worrying does nothing because it does not leave me any less conflicted, so I should enjoy the present. And I am doing just that. 

sooooooooooooooooo yeah.  
irresolutely yours, 

Sunday, November 6, 2011

On jumping jacks

Dear Life, 
      You have been SUPER life-like lately. Seriously, jeeze lettin your true colors shine through. It is so odd I cannot decide if I am struggling right now. Well, I know I am struggling but I cannot decide if I am in a good place, or a hard place. Some things I go through are clear arrows at a sign that reads "BLESSED". Other obstacles lead me in the direction of "SUCKS". I don't know. Life is so messy. I am so messy. I am a big old mess. A mess of emotions, desires, nutella, chickfila, expectations, fears, naps, procrastination, sarcasm, long drives, wine and insecurity. WOW. Are you frightened? I feel like I frighten people. But there are some people I feel so comfortable around, so myself, so unafraid that I will screw up in front of them. I am thankful for people like that. I need to surround myself with them. And I truly hope I am that kind of person for my friends. I genuinely try to be. 
      I am so unbelievably blessed by my family. The fact that I can have a meaningful conversation with each of my brothers about pursuing the Lord and having doubts just knocks me off my rocker sometimes!! Hey, I don't have a rocker, but if I did, I would not be on it right now. I can never take that for granted. (not the rocker thing the brother thing)
      I am learning about Jesus. Well, I am trying to learn more about Him. I am going to just keep reading over the Gospels again and again, because that is all we have about Him and I want to know Him. This excites me. I need my own personal relationship with Jesus, and in order to do so I have to read the Word and discover things in my quiet time with God, apart from what I am told by others. I need to get to know Christ in a one-on-one setting. Let the Holy Spirit do his thang.

Hey, thanks for reading, it means a lot. 
Messily yours, 

p.s.- this wasn't really on jumping jacks at all, it's just a weird name for an exercise