Sunday, November 6, 2011

On jumping jacks

Dear Life, 
      You have been SUPER life-like lately. Seriously, jeeze lettin your true colors shine through. It is so odd I cannot decide if I am struggling right now. Well, I know I am struggling but I cannot decide if I am in a good place, or a hard place. Some things I go through are clear arrows at a sign that reads "BLESSED". Other obstacles lead me in the direction of "SUCKS". I don't know. Life is so messy. I am so messy. I am a big old mess. A mess of emotions, desires, nutella, chickfila, expectations, fears, naps, procrastination, sarcasm, long drives, wine and insecurity. WOW. Are you frightened? I feel like I frighten people. But there are some people I feel so comfortable around, so myself, so unafraid that I will screw up in front of them. I am thankful for people like that. I need to surround myself with them. And I truly hope I am that kind of person for my friends. I genuinely try to be. 
      I am so unbelievably blessed by my family. The fact that I can have a meaningful conversation with each of my brothers about pursuing the Lord and having doubts just knocks me off my rocker sometimes!! Hey, I don't have a rocker, but if I did, I would not be on it right now. I can never take that for granted. (not the rocker thing the brother thing)
      I am learning about Jesus. Well, I am trying to learn more about Him. I am going to just keep reading over the Gospels again and again, because that is all we have about Him and I want to know Him. This excites me. I need my own personal relationship with Jesus, and in order to do so I have to read the Word and discover things in my quiet time with God, apart from what I am told by others. I need to get to know Christ in a one-on-one setting. Let the Holy Spirit do his thang.

Hey, thanks for reading, it means a lot. 
Messily yours, 

p.s.- this wasn't really on jumping jacks at all, it's just a weird name for an exercise

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