Monday, September 13, 2010

crisp and new

I care too much what people think. It is a problem. This is a pretty honest place to begin my first real blog post, but what the heck. The reason I write about this is because as I am sitting in my room struggling to decide what to write about, I am frustrated with how much my decision is based on others perception of me. "I don't want people to think I am trying to sound holy by jumping right in with some Jesus talk" or "Should I write about how much I love the sunshine pouring through my window right now? Or is that too cliche?" or "Something simple would be far too frivolous to begin with but something deep is too pretentious". AAHHHHH. Right? 
All of these thoughts are based on how I believe others might react to my writings, and my fear of those reactions. And my desire to come off a certain way. (In actuality, how many people will end up reading this...2? 3?) Anyway, that led me to this leap into the world of honest rambling. No looking back I have already made up my mind that this is the post. So, even though I have all of these ideas running through my head about what you, Mr./Ms. Reader, may think of my vulnerability in admitting an embarrassing vice of mine I shall ignore them and press on! I will make this my fresh beginning of not writing for anyone other than myself. I will try not to concern myself with my public, but rather take those budding thoughts in my heart that must be dying to bloom since I am creating this garden to allow them to grow- and be seen. However, patience is essential since I am not as much a green thumb in writing as some of my friends and fellow bloggers who I have found to be secret, romantic scribes. But I musn't compare. Do you see how much I desire approval? It's disgusting.
Praise the Lord I am accepted as I am by He who matters most. (<-- there is my Jesus talk, I assure you it was sincere though!)

no turning back now,

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