On Humor

HUMOR. It's great. 

Humor is like wine for the soul. Or maybe just alcohol in general. Wait, this is taking a turn down a street I'm not comfortable with. 

Anyway, It makes you feel good, when you have it you're cool, and without it life can get boring. (Did she just basically say alcohol makes you cool & without it you are boring???)

Humor helps me cope with so much. In an entirely healthy manner. My family might use humor concerning serious or sad situations, but it is only so we do not just avoid the subject altogether. 

Being able to make light of something can be a big replacement for the following: irritation, wallowing, stress, anger etc etc. 

For example, sometimes when something is so sad- I laugh. I am not kidding. It is as if the situation is so utterly ridiculous and pathetic that I HAVE to laugh!!! It even happens at inopportune times! Like with someone else's problem! I might start to grin, or suppress a giggle during their hard stuff because I find it humorous!! Their pain is not what is humorous, but something in me chooses to find it funny that life can be so cruel sometimes. I mean, take this entire blog for crying out loud! I write letters to Life using sarcasm, wit, and humor to comment on often sucky circumstances.

My old Young Life teammate once said he loved that we can laugh about how we would hate going to visit the school in the morning. Even though we were willingly giving up sleep to "love on kids" at the crack of dawn, we still joked about "ending it all" by swinging my car into a 16-wheeler. Morbid, but hysterical to us at 730am.

I grew up with brothers who could make a joke in church, while my parents were fighting, at a sentimental wedding, at an awkward family function with relatives we hardly know, or right after a bad break up. You name the setting, Trevor, Matt and maybe Joel had a comedic remark ready in their pocket to break the tension. I am thankful for that. It really is how I cope with things, to laugh at them. And I don't hate it.

On little things

Dear Life,

      Sometimes it's the smaller kindnesses in [you], or the little experiences together. 

Today, on a gloomy snowcapped afternoon, after waking up at 730am on a Saturday to go into work, I returned to this

      My dear friend Amy Callahan had left me a sweet gift on the doorstep. We haven't had hardly any time to spend with one another, and it really stinks cuz we love each other. But this cute letter and a gift that has a funny/special meaning to both of us was just what I needed. I often say that gifts are not a love language of mine. But, when they are so specific to me/my preferences, and are a surprise, then I feel loved. :) 

Also, the previous night Annie, one of the lovely girls in my freshman small group came over. We ate burgers from my favorite place, watched a movie, and baked cookies from scratch. I really love hanging out with Annie. And, it started snowing last night so she spent the night and I tucked her in bed and read her a golden chapter from a good book. 

It's the little things we take the time to do for people or give to friends that can often mean so much. 

I am usually not so cheesy, but hey, I do LOVE cheese.

fondly yours, 

Kelly

Sobre una bendición

It is possible that I am about to make someone feel awkward. 

And that somebody...is Claudette Monroy. Mi mexicanita. 

Claudette is a huge blessing in my life. You know how we use that phrase "people who point us to Christ"? Well, Claudette has a way of being a big green exit sign, and the upcoming ramp- leads to Truth. She is a small package filled with wisdom! ;)

I feel so privileged to be someone Claudette wants to spend time with, and not just to have fun, but to really talk and share. I never feel judged with Claud. She is so comfortable. And she will share her brokenness with me, and also listen to my own shtuff and yet still see the best in me. What a gift. 

It doesn't hurt that she is way funnier than she probably realizes. 

Before she goes off to be a scholar in a foreign country I hope we can continue going strong with our friendship- all facets of it. 

Te quiero mamacita. 

p.s.- voy a seguir orando que me acompañes en Mascota, Mexico en Mayo!!

On answers

I don't have any. 

When I get together with girls in my small group (or anybody, really) and hear about hardships, or questions or worries, I find that lately I have no real insight or answers to offer. This is a different stage in my faith. It is not bad, necessarily, but as I said it leaves me a bit blank. My curse of needing to be "authentic" and "not fake" means I cannot give an uplifting anecdote or an encouragement that everything will work out, because currently, I am not there. I won't say it if I don't believe it. Or lately I have found myself telling someone something and immediately after I say it I think to myself "wait, do I even believe that? Is that just what I have always been told, or what I feel conditioned to say?". Honestly, it has been a...I am not sure struggle is the right word, just confusing. This is a full year. Full of changes, full of decisions, full of endings, full of tragedy (more in the lives of others around me, a lot of sickness, death and heartache in the lives of loved ones).

So, I am listening a lot. I always listen, but usually my listening can be followed by a spiritual notion or advice. And as a leader or friend the counterpart in the conversation might expect that, but I do not know if I should share my views right now, cuz I am still mulling things over. Still wrestling it out with God. Still discovering what my personal relationship with the Lord looks like. Not the relationship everyone in my home church has, not the relationship a young life leader has, not the relationship my friends have, and not even the relationship of a 22-year-old American female. MY personal relationship.

I just do not have answers. It is only frustrating because I do not want to be blank with my girls. It has nothing to do with needing to be wise or appear holy or some hogwash. I also just want to hear from the Lord. I'm looking for something concrete. Something tested by the fire to be true.

On miscellaneous letters

      Dear palate, this weekend you had a test run with my experiments with couscous. You enjoyed the sun dried tomatoes (I bought ages ago and only used twice) and were proud of my culinary whims! Dear chickfila, you are delicious. And you give me the gnarliest heartburn I have ever had so our relationship is currently purely professional. Here's praying I can eat you again without my throat feeling as if I swallowed acid. Dear Harry (Connick Jr.), Frank (Sinatra) and Michael (Buble), yalls voices are Christmas inspirations. Thank you gentlemen! Dear Spanish 455 paper, you are still but a swirl of ideas in my brain, but you will get done and be full of intelligent musings on Hispanic female authors and their contrasting themes in poems and short stories. I sound smart already! Dear Jesus, I am ever growing, ever learning, and ever needing to press into You. Keep teaching me about faith over feelings. Love ya.

p.s. did you believe in Santa Clause when you were little? This has been quite the heated topic in The Shire (my apartment).

On Kanye's third album

Dear Lifeski, 

I'm GRADUATING. BOOM SHAKA LAKA. 

                     or     Estoy matriculándome! 

Crazy time. This was a BIG bright spot amidst my hectic work mess...but now I have entered procrastination station. Which is no bueno. I contemplated a Bodo's run tomorrow, but decided against it. Who knows, could still spontaneously fast-and-furious it to Cville!

      I have really gotten into the Christmas spirit this year!! It's wonderful! 

Ya'll...my new favorite store...DOLLAR TREE. More like HOLLER tree. Lemme get dat. 

Recently made purchases there: toothpaste, christmas decos (short for decorations, yo), chapstick, nail files, wrapping paper, pens, spatula...each for a BUCK. 

      Also, still high on my Amazon addiction of course--> I ordered this wonderful Christmas movie. Cannot wait for it to arrive and let the Shire see why I love it!!

repeat the sounding joy, 

Kelly 

p.s.- I'm going to miss college. And I mean the taking classes part. I have loved my Spanish courses this semester. dangit.

On choosing

Hey, listen to this song as you read my post. Then listen to it on your own. Please :)

      Tonight I feel like choosing to believe the Lord is good and faithful even when situations around us provoke me to think otherwise. I choose not to let my lack of understanding cause me to doubt. I love hearing the stories of others who have gone through dark valleys and have not only come out of them still trusting God, but in the midst they were leaning on Him and believing His goodness. (I think of Libby Ryder who went through cancer & was healed)

     I am continually reminded lately to gain a deeper understanding of Christ's great love for me. It seems unfathomable, it's too easy. That is why so many don't buy it. His grace for me is almost confusing. My brother spoke to me telling me to quit believing that God is so impatient with me, that my sins aren't being counted. Thanks Joel. 

Read this... 

"As we get into the enjoyment of Thy love may we find that we need scarcely any other heaven, either here or hereafter, only more of this love and the continuance of it."

That's Andrew Bonar from my favorite devotional. 

I think that's all for tonight. 

Lighter notes...today I got crafty whilest listening to a Christmas playlist with alternating songs by Michael Buble and Sufjan. It was PERFECTION. I remember reflecting on how cathartic it was and how glad I was to have that alone time. Sometimes I surprise myself with my introvert tendencies.

K BYE