Compartmentalization

I have been compartmentalizing the Lord's undertakings in my life. It's actually a little silly, like, comical.

In the morning I am angry with him for not doing anything about my struggle with insecurity. Now, I'm not gonna pretend like I don't still feel that way. Because I am still confused about where the Lord is in some dark places I often go to. (This isn't the comical part) 

Then, in the afternoon I find out all these wonderful folks in my life have donated to my trip to Spain without me knowing. And a lot of them were generous in their givings. The Lord has completely provided (via friends & family) for my trip to Spain this summer!! And I thought, 'wow another beautiful confirmation that He is sending me to Spain'. He has plans for me- no- for His Kingdom, even better. 

Wait...how can God be moving so clearly in parts of my life but then be doing nothing in others? I guess I need to trust that the same Father who is sending me off on this great opportunity, the same Father who has placed wonderful people in my life, the same Father who has put me at a job I love and placed a group of girls in front of me to pour into...this same Father is not ignoring other areas of my life. He is not unaware or unconcerned with my struggles. This 'revelation' or whatever you want to call it, has not fully sunk in yet. It's a pretty concept, and certainly encouraging, but my battle still exists. And most days I feel like I am fighting it all on my own. 
BUT, I am not alone. God is so faithful to his followers. Faithful. Yeah, that is the word. He is stubbornly determined against darkness and the devil. I gotta remember that. 

more loved than I ever dared to hope

Lately I have been chewing on so many big ideas and lessons from the Lord. 

If only I just had days to sit and think and pray and walk with God; days to listen. 

I have been listening to a couple Tim Keller sermons. I like that guy. 

One of the ideas I have been chewing on is serving Jesus and truly living for him without making it about works and needing to earn approval or salvation. BUT, also not thinking 'oh grace grace grace I'll just live my normal life'. 

Tim Keller says being in the presence of God, surrounded by his Holiness, means coming to the realization that "I am more wicked than I ever imagined and more loved than I ever dared to hope". 

He talks about living out of this place of humility, being aware that I am deserving of nothing. But, also walking in boldness because I have been given everything through Christ. 

Keller says, often Christians look at the acts of people in the Bible and think "that's terrible what a horrible example of someone following God". And yet, the whole purpose of the Gospel is to point at the saving grace of Jesus and not to point at the failures of humanity. It's not "how can David be a man of God?" but rather "thanks to the mercy of God David can be a man of God". 

I hope I can find the balance to do all I can for Jesus out of a humble love and desire, rather than desperation for approval or fear that I am not doing enough. 

an ode to sun dried tomatoes

It makes sense

that something perfected 

by the glorious sun 

would be glorious

in itself.

The tomato,

though excellent on it's own, 

when dried 

reaches the utmost state 

of appetizing.

A sweet and savory 

choice befitting any 

salad,

pasta 

and sandwich. 

Oh, sun dried tomato!

How I love to dote on thee.

see also : an ode to gorgonzola 

tangents

Hey, why do cleaning supplies always say "kills 99.9% of germs"? If it only killed 89.9% do you think they would put that? Probably not, because people would freak out about those 10.1%. 
But like, 99.9% sure seems like a fake statistic to me. I guess you can't guarantee the removal of all germs.

I had no intention of making this spiritual when I began this post, I just wanted to be silly. But, praise Him for being present and real and good 100% of the time. I gotta believe that. Not even just 99.9%, but the whole enchilada. 

Speaking of whole enchiladas, we have a lot of idioms in America. I need to learn more Spanish idioms. 

Speaking of Spanish, I am going back to Spain this summer, provided I raise the required amount. If you're reading this you will probably get my support letter. I hope you want to support me (financially I mean). I am really looking forward to returning to Altea. 

Saturday

Yesterday was an excellent day. 

It began with a house breakfast. We got a new roommate, his name is Tony, and so we had a welcome breakfast all together. He is uber nice. We have a great time carrying on jokes together. 

For example: 

Roommate Charlie (whilest making breakfast): Is anyone opposed to walnuts?

Me: I am very morally opposed. 

Roommate Tony: Yeah I am extremely against walnuts. 

Me: Walnuts killed my grandfather Charlie, how could you. He died choking on one. 

Roommate Tony: That's right, he died because a walnut was choking him. 

Anyway, it was funny and I appreciate someone who will join me in my sarcasm. The breakfast was deeeeelish. One of my favorite things about it were the beverages. Excellent coffee was made and by my second cup Roommate Jessica had added Bailey's- supreme idea. In addition to excellent coffee were mimosas, to which we added...get this...fresh watermelon! We just pureed it and poured it in. Wowza! 

It was such a group effort putting all the food together. 

Then I went shopping with a dear friend, Diane. She was a very helpful shopping mate. I really love a good shopping partner. I put a bunch of stuff on hold because I couldn't afford all of it and needed time to think about which items I should purchase. In the meantime we went to see the Lego movie with Steve Bishop. And, of course, in the theater just one row ahead of us were 3 of my kindergartners. Three of my favorite kindergartners. Taylor says "Señorita Bishop what are you doing here?!" And I said, "What do you mean, I'm seeing the Lego movie just like you". 

After the movie, dad insisted  on buying all my clothes that I had put on hold. Honestly, I turned him down several times saying I didn't need a relationship based on money, that seeing the movie with him was enough. I  did however tell him he was welcome to just come with me and help me pick out which to get. But, he said he wouldn't come unless I let him buy them. I figured that was a good deal, haha. Things have been pretty decent between Steve Bishop Attorney at Law and myself. It is tough to navigate the waters of our confusing relationship because he kind of lives a double life. But, at least now we don't have financial strings attached and I have gotten better at communicating with him when he hurts me. And he has learned to listen and even sometimes...apologize!! Crazy. I am finding it easier to pray for him. I used to find it hopeless that he would ever change. God is the God of the impossible, the God of miracles. 

And last night Roommate Charlie had her birthday party. It was a Mexican fiesta. It was fun and her sister made the most delicious food. I made mom's guacamole and it got rave reviews. Naturally. We played fish bowl and one of Charlie's friends learned I went to JMU and so he put James Madison on a slip of paper and like no one knew that much about him so it made it hard to act him out. It was so funny to me. And of course, someone put in constipation. It was like Graffiti fish bowl all over again. 

I'm not sure why I just wrote a diary entry of my day. And it all started because before I wrote this post I was thinking about how much my roommates and I will always make a pot of coffee big enough to share. And how I love that about our house. I think it was also because I don't often write about the goings-on in my life. So I thought I would give a snapshot of my silly life. 

      I am not sure if this happens a lot to others, but sometimes I get shown an attribute of God and I am so into this certain characteristic that I become a bit hung up on it. 

For instance:

God you are so loving, you are a meek lamb whose affections never end. Soon, an imbalance occurs. God is also the God of justice and righteousness. He abhors wicked deeds. We must know this loving God and also fear Him. 

This can lead to...God, you are just. You are strong and powerful. You are worthy of highest praises. I am a speck in your presence. Those might be true but God also desires for us to draw near to Him. He has made us worthy through His Son's sacrifice. He is our Father. Another imbalance occurred. 

      Today, I was asking the Lord for more compassion. It's amazing the things I can do through Christ. I can love people who piss me off or don't deserve it- all because of the love and mercy freely given me. 

      When we see even an ounce of good character in someone this should encourage us all the more that the Creator of the universe embodies that beautiful attribute a hundredfold. Does that make sense? 

The God of Mother Teresa is even more giving, sacrificial, and merciful. 

The God of the apostle Paul cares even more about people, and is even more wise and persistent. 

The God of my own mom is even more gracious, and sees the best in me even more than she does. 

      I hope I can quit putting God into a box, or quit forgetting that He doesn't just have the characteristic of goodness or grace or righteousness- He IS all those things. 

today's letters

Dear 6:15am, we met again this morning and it wasn't awful. However, the subbing job I woke up early to do is another story... Dear mouthwash and flossing, you make me feel like a grown up. You just make me more responsible- taking care of my gums and all. Dear lipstick, today let's see how many kindergartners comment on you and make me self-conscious #"SenoritaBishopWhat'sOnYourMouth?" Dear Downton Abbey, you continue to break my heart and yet I keep going back to you. Just please please please don't do anything to Mrs. Hughes. PLEASE! Dear Jesus, I am so stoked to worship you tonight with a body of believers for whom I am so thankful. I hope I learn to trust you more & have faith in your complete goodness. 

p.s. click on that DA link to get a huge surprise!